Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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