So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
