Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
