Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
