found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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