my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
