I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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