Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
