Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
