I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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