Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
