his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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