look no pants
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
