someone threw a dead crab at me
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
