he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
