You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
