wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
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