I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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