I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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