He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
