I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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