My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
