I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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