We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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