I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
