the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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