I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Randomize
