He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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