My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
