mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
