I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
