Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
