he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize