Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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