it was like his penis was on wheels.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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