Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
