I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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