update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
