Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
