hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
