Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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