It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
