before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
