She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
