My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
