FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize