Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
