Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
