Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
