apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
