well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
