your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
