i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
