Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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