id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
