just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Randomize
