Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
