I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
