I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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