the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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