you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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