yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
