Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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