I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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