Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
