You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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