M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I would ride that face into the sunset
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
