Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
