You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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