if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
