She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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